apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
