Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
