Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
