I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
