Have you finally orgasmed yet?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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