You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
