you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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