just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
