Sry I called you an 8
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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