so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
