2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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