also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
