remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
