I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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