You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
