Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
