There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
