Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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