Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
