Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize