i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
