Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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