ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it glows. i had to have it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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