My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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