omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
