this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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