watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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