ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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