she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize