i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
