he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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