I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
