WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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