Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
