I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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