I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
