Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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