My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
