I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
MIDGETS
????
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
