Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
they need to just BURY HIM!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The beer is more important than you right now.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
