i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
