Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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