You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
