So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
