Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
