i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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