worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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