If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
