Someone shit on the floor
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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