Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
