There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everyone says I win the strip club
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
