I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
