you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
