oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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