I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize