Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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