I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
