just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
