I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
