I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So much rum. So many feels.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
