Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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