at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
