Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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