In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
