Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
