My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
