i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
