We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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