stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
