it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
