He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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