I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
