I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
