we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
