If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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