lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
