Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
