I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize