Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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