in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
