I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
