That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
