remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
