I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
