3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
