Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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