I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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