He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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