lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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