at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
