I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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