Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
