Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
