What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
