One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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