Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
