dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
