they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
